Daring to {Leap}

“To dare is to lose one’s footing momentarily. To not dare is to lose oneself.” – Soren Kierkegaard

I stumbled upon this quote tonight, litterally stumbled.    I can say that I have now officially re-read it probably 20 times.  It’s not that I don’t get it.  It’s that I’m that struck (I don’t think that’s even the word that I’m searching for) by it.  It’s one of those really simple life lessons that sometimes you totally lose site of until it smacks you right over the head.  Well, consider me smacked.

I used to dare.  I used to step out on a limb and live life.  And back then, I knew exactly who I was….

A Mom.

Happy.

Sure of my footing, even if it was shifting.

And I could go on and show recap posts from the past couple of years where I definitely feel that I was in a better place than I am today mentally or that I have been for probably the last 6 months or more.

I think I forgot who I was.  I got lost in the keeping up and the going along with everyone else.  I forgot to check in with myself, to really truly look at me, what I was doing and where life was heading.  It’s funny, I’ve only just started trying to do this and be honest with myself and literally I’m getting smacked over the head by myself.  I want to scream.    And the best part is that now I’m left here, standing in the rubble of my emotional well-being.  And I’m searching for the glue.  I need the glue to put it all back together, to rebuild me not as I was but as I am now.  And hopefully how I am now is wiser and smarter for having realized where I’ve been and trying not to go there again.  I know that I will find it and that one way or another things will get better.

And until then I’m going to harken back to these memories and several others that I’ve amassed.  And while I can’t recreate the moment, I can try to recreate the reason or circumstance that helped me to feel fulfilled on that day.  So today, I’m going to dare to lose my footing momentarily in hopes that I don’t continue to lose myself.

And while it’s not the point as I’m not worried about my extra curriculars as I am living life, since this is a running/tri-ing blog, I would imagine that once I make that leap, my mojo will come back and there will be races on my calendar once again.

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4 Responses to Daring to {Leap}

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