I had a very interesting conversation about triathlon, racing and training the other night. And the conversation slowly morphed into a very paralleled conversation on life. Just life. The conversation began just loosely talking about why we need to do these things and asking permission because I had just watched this TED talk by Heidi Boynton, a triathlon coach, that is all about giving yourself permission.
I highly recommend taking a few minutes to watch this video. It’s great. It’s 10 minutes, but it’s worth watching. And the conversation morphed. It changed into what we need to do to give ourselves not only permission to love ourselves as we are but also why we continue to do the racing etc. And it became about validation.
I know that I love training and racing. It gives me a purpose that is solely about me. It provides a goal and a motivation in life. It also forces me to keep pushing forward. And allows me to push a mental boundary that is greater than any physical boundary. And when I do this my faith is renewed in the fact that I can do just about anything if I want it badly enough. It’s interesting actually as I sit here and type this, that I haven’t and don’t apply this to other facets of my life. I remain more stagnant and unbelieving in myself. I remain unmotivated to go forward and change things in a positive manner. I lack the perseverance in my regular life that I consistently find in my triathlon life.
Every time I cross a finish line, I feel a sense of validation. I validate myself … to myself. That yes, I can train for, endure through and complete a race of almost any distance. I may not do it fast, but you can meet me at the finish line. I’ll be there. I do realize that almost no one else in the world cares whether I cross that finish line or not. But, it’s the one way that I can validate myself and not let myself down. I often times feel like the rest of the world is not always something that I can control. But getting to the finish line, that’s on me.
So to circle back around, yes, I’m trying to give myself permission to love myself so that I can love everything and everyone else. I’m not all the way there yet. I’m seeking permission, but I have to learn to lay down my expectations and love myself exactly as I am and realize that I’m a work in progress and that is completely ok. In the mean time, I race to validate myself and prove that in at least one arena I seem to have life somewhat figured out.
Have you given yourself permission to love yourself yet or are you still validating again and again?